10 Ways to be Attractive

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain.
And most fools do."
- Dale Carnegie

All of us go to extreme measures to look our best. We spend lots of money on clothes and Botox. We go to hair restoration centers and spas. We visit Sephora and the barber.

Here are 10 more ways to make yourself attractive.

1.   Be generous.
2.   Brag about someone behind their back.
3.   Believe the best in others.
4.   Be grateful for all that you have.
5.   Encourage others.
6.   Be humble.
7.   Own up to your mistakes.
8.   Appreciate others.
9.   Be others-oriented.
10. Be upbeat.

If you are interested in being unattractive, just do the opposite.

1.   Be greedy.
2.   Talk bad about someone behind their back.
3.   Assume the worst in others.
4.   Be envious of all you don't have.
5.   Discourage others.
6.   Be arrogant.
7.   Blame others of your mistakes.
8.   Criticize others.
9.   Be self-centered.
10. Be a downer.
 

"Don't be distracted by criticism.
Remember, the only taste of success some people have
is when they take a bite out of you."
- Zig Ziglar

3 Benefits to the Growth Mindset

"Successful people look at themselves as a work in progress.
Unsuccessful people look at themselves as the finished product."
- Someone in a random meeting a long time ago

About 20 years ago I was sitting in a meeting when someone casually said the quote above. I thought it was incredibly profound and insightful. No one else even flinched.

Think about it.
What if . . .

• You looked at life as an adventure and your goal is to improve yourself. Rather than looking at life as a test and your goal is to prove yourself.

• You looked at failures as temporary and learning from them makes you better and stronger. Rather than looking at your failures as permanent and a major hit to your self-confidence.

• You invited corrected feedback because you look at it is a way to reduce blind spots and increase your value. Rather than becoming defensive or discouraged when someone provides corrective feedback.

This outlook on life is commonly called the Growth Mindset.
I find it incredibly liberating!

Here are 3 major benefits to living with the Growth Mindset.

1. You Fear Less.
If you use all of life's experiences, the good and bad, to improve yourself, you can live lighter and fuller. If you are out to improve yourself, not prove yourself - the pressure is off. If you fear less. You become fearless.

2. You Become Resilient.
Obstacles, failures, and challenges all provide an opportunity to get better and stronger. When you truly learn from your mistakes, you can bounce back stronger.

3. You Increase Your Potential
With the Growth Mindset, you step into challenges and you embrace, not avoid new experiences. You become comfortable with the uncomfortable. And the only place you will ever grow is outside your comfort zone.

In short, the Growth Mindset enables you to live more fully and freely. 

Go there!

"If you are determined to learn,
nothing can stop you.
If you are unwilling to learn,
no one can help you."
- Zig Ziglar

Consuming vs. Creating

"The few who do are the envy of the many who watch."
- Jim Rohn

Have you ever thought of your life in terms of consuming and creating?

We consume when we are:

• on social media

• watching Netflix

• playing video games

• shopping

• reading a book

• listening to music

Obviously, consumption needs to be part of life. Consuming food is necessary to live. Reading a book or listening to music can be replenishing.

But if all you are doing is consuming and not creating, you are sitting on the sidelines of life. 

What do you need to create in 2020?

-When you paint, quilt, write or play an instrument, you are creating art.

-When you exercise, you are creating health.

-When you start a business, you are creating a product or service.

In general, creating provides more internal fulfillment and serves others. Consumption is passive, creating is active. In 2020, do less consuming and more creating.

Come down from the stands and get in the game.

The Powerful Rule of 3 in Communication

"Communication is the most important skill anyone can possess."

- Richard Branson

The Rule of 3s.

• Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

• Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

• Sun, moon, and stars.

• Blood, sweat, and tears.

• The Three Little Pigs

• The Three Musketeers,

• The Three Stooges.

The primary purpose of any communicator is to be clear, not eloquent, not sophisticated, but clear. One of the easiest ways to be clear is to use the powerful rule of 3 in your communication.

When I spoke at my mother-in-law's memorial service, I spoke of three of her endearing qualities. When a buddy asked me to be a reference for a new position he was seeking, I shared with the recruiter three of his positive characteristics. When a potential client asks why they should work with me, I am ready with three reasons.

So, in the spirit of clear communication, here are three reasons to use the powerful rule of 3.

 
1. Your communication is easier to follow.

Many people communicate by 'stream of consciousness', they say whatever comes to mind at the moment. The rule of 3 forces you to organize and structure your communication.

2. Your communication is more enjoyable.

When people don't have to spend a lot of energy figuring out what you are trying to say, you become easy to listen to. That can't be said of many speakers.

3. Your communication becomes more memorable.

You want people to retain what you say. They are unlikely to remember five points, or seven, or twelve but they can remember three.

Don't force it, but when you can, use the powerful rule of 3 in your communication. It's one of the simplest ways to make your communication clear, concise, and compelling. 

(Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Think Big, Act Small

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."
- Chinese Proverb

You may have heard motivational speakers talk about the importance of taking 'massive action.' And we all have heard the phrase "no pain, no gain." 

I am a believer in big goals, but I think the best way to achieve big goals is by taking small steps. Small, consistent steps trump sporadic hard effort every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

If you are in school, it's much more effective to review your class notes for 5 minutes a day than to pull an all-nighter studying for the final exam.

If you want to get in shape, it's much more effective to work-out 20 minutes a day than to work-out for 3 hours once a week.

Here are 3 reasons you should achieve your goals by starting with small steps:
 

1. It's More Effective.

The reason most people don't achieve their goals or keep New Year's resolutions is that their plan is unrealistic. Telling yourself you won't have sweets for a year or that you will work-out 6 days a week for 2 hours is setting yourself up for failure. 
 

2. It Creates Momentum.

With small steps, you are constantly moving in the right direction. Just as saving a little money regularly creates an amazing compound effect, the same is true with consistent small steps that move you toward your big goal.
 

3. It Builds Confidence.

When you consistently follow through on your small steps, you experience daily victories. Success builds confidence and confidence creates more success. The positive upward spiral builds upon itself. 

So, by all means, think big. Set high goals. We live best when we are on a mission. But remember, big change starts small.
 

Contentment vs. Complacency

"Learn to be happy with what you have
while you pursue all you want."
- Jim Rohn

It's easy to confuse contentment and complacency. But one is positive and the other is dangerous.

Contentment is a healthy emotional state of gratitude for all that we have.

Complacency is the smug, self-satisfaction with your existing condition and with no desire to improve. Safe is a dangerous place to be. The only direction you can coast is downhill.

Here's a healthy approach to life; hold gratitude in one hand while pursuing possibilities in the other.

Here are three things you can do while you count your blessings;
 

1. Increase Your Skills.

Develop your strengths. Master your current position. Try your hand at a new technology. Learn a new language. Pick up a new hobby.
 

2. Explore New Opportunities

Write a book. Start a side hustle. If you are unhappy with your current job, pursue a better situation. Get out of your comfort zone. Try new things.
 

3. Set Higher Goals

Demand more of yourself. Setting goals is like inputting a destination in a GPS, you become crystal clear on where you want to go. We work best on mission.

Happiness will not come to those who fail to appreciate what they have.

But happiness also will not come to those who fail to be anything less than they are capable of becoming.

How to Live a Strong Life

"One should count each day as a separate life."
- Seneca

We can do nothing about yesterday and tomorrow hasn't arrived. So let's focus on living one day at a time.

If you string a bunch of strong days together, you get a strong week.
if you string a bunch of strong weeks together, you get a strong month.
If you string a bunch of strong months together, you get a......well, you get the point.

Here are three simple ways to live a strong day.
 

1. Include Priorities, Routine Work, and Life-Giving Activities.

Priorities are what is really important in your personal and professional life. It could be strategic planning, working on a high-value project, receiving training or relationship building. Priorities are actions that bring the highest value and move your life/career forward.

Routine work is attending meetings, filling out expense reports, paying bills, organizing the closet, buying groceries, etc. 

Life-Giving Activities include exercise, solitude, appreciating the outdoors, delighting in a hobby, and enjoying healthy relationships.
 

2. Decide on a Limited and Definite Amount of Tasks You Want to Accomplish in the Day.

When planning your day, rather than having an overwhelming, laundry list of things to do, have a definite and limited number of things you want to accomplish during the day. This will help you be more productive, enable you to have more focus, and give you a greater sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. 
 

3. Leave Yourself Margin

Don't plan every minute of your day. Have a game plan for the day but be flexible. A lot of life happens in the white space. Balance structure with flexibility. And don't wait until the last minute to do something or get somewhere. When you are running behind, you don't have time to be kind.

Life isn't about how high you jump, but how straight you walk. Consistency beats talent.

A Spirit of Generosity

"Happiness begins where selfishness ends."
- John Wooden

In his book, How Happiness Happens, Max Lucado states that most people believe that happiness happens when you get, but real happiness happens when you give.

In so many ways this is true, just study the track record of lottery winners.

We are all purpose-driven beings and when we make a positive difference in the lives of others, we become internally rewarded and fulfilled.

Here are a few ways to practice generosity:

• If you are by yourself, the plane is getting full with only middle seats open, and a couple is looking for two seats together, offer your aisle seat and take a middle seat in another row. You may be more uncomfortable physically but you will be more satisfied internally.

• When you are in the grocery store line and the person behind you has just a few items, let them go ahead of you.

• Rather than just sit with your familiar group of work friends in the cafeteria, ask the new employee to join you.

• If someone is serving you well and working hard at a minimum wage job, give them a $20 bill, look them in the eye, and thank them for the great service.

Build a reputation as a giver, not a taker. 
Life is a boomerang; what you send out, comes back. 

Joy In the Journey

"The best gift you can give others is a
healthy, energized, focused self."
- Sarah Edmonds

You can't give away something you don't have. Therefore, it is important that you intentionally infuse joy in your life. 

We all have goals, priorities, responsibilities, and obligations. But one of your primary purposes in life is to enjoy it!

In my daily planner, I have a section for life-fulfillment activities so I can be intentional about enjoying life.

Here are 3 areas of life that can help you experience Joy in the Journey:
 

1. SPIRITUAL

Build inner strength through solitude, inspirational reading, gratitude, meditation, prayer, journaling, a walk in nature, etc.

2. CREATIVE

Make sure you are spending some time pursuing your favorite hobbies and interests. Life is too short to not do some things you truly enjoy. And what you do off the 'job' affects how you are on the job.

3. RELATIONAL

Strong relationships are the foundation of a healthy life. Make sure your family is a priority. Make it a habit to go out to dinner, a concert, a ballgame or a movie with friends. Be intentional about spending time with people who bring out the best in you.

There is a line in the movie Auntie Mame where Rosalind Russell says,

"Life is meant to be a feast
and most poor suckers are starving to death."

Make it your responsibility to enjoy the feast.
If you are not enjoying life, it's unlikely people will enjoy you.

Proving vs. Improving Yourself

"I want to be learning so fast that I am constantly surprised
at how stupid I was two weeks ago."
- Alan Weiss

A number of years ago I was sitting in a meeting when someone made a statement that I thought was incredibly insightful and profound. The person said, 

"Successful people look at themselves as a work in progress.
Unsuccessful people look at themselves as the finished product."

No one else even flinched.
Think about the positive implications of living life as a journey rather than a test.

Here are 3 benefits to changing your mindset from trying to prove yourself to trying to improve yourself.

1. RESILIENCE

When you look at life as a journey and your goal is to get better, failures and mistakes are simply a way to learn and bounce back stronger than before. If you are trying to prove yourself, failures and mistakes become discouraging and weakening.
 

2. OPENNESS TO FEEDBACK

All of us were born on the wrong side of our eyeballs. We don't see ourselves the way others see us. We have blind spots. When others give us feedback, it's an opportunity to learn something new. If you are trying to prove yourself, you avoid feedback. And when you do receive it, the tendency is to be defensive or to deny.
 

3. FREEDOM

It's a lot easier living life as a journey. You don't have to be perfect. The pressure is off. You can live lighter. Everything that comes your way is an opportunity to get better.


I read a book years ago with the title, 'What Got You Here, Won't Get You There'. What a great life philosophy. Let's not be complacent, the only direction you can coast is downhill.

When we are through growing, we're through.